Author Archives: Sophie Lee

On Living: Mary Oliver and the Woods

So I don’t post much on this blog beyond my end-of-month posts, but today I was absolutely floored by a Mary Oliver poem and had to put my thoughts down. Here is the poem:

Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars

of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,

the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders

of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is

nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.


“In Blackwater Woods” by Mary Oliver, from American Primitive. © Back Bay Books, 1983.

I don’t know what to say. But here are words anyways. Mary Oliver is a genius. I don’t know how she gets away with so much little repetition, yet manages to keep pace in this poem. I don’t know why the choice of “three things” works so well when this is not a fairytale. I don’t know how she can get away with using the word “salvation.” I don’t know how I can see the Blackwater Woods in my mind now, though I have never been to Cape Cod.

I love the woods. I love the cyclic nature of the woods. I love the peace and the slow growth. I love big existence. Nature is a trope that is all at once so overdone, so necessary, and so true. I don’t know! This poem makes me so emotional; it makes me think about how there are so many things and people I want to hold against my bones. And how everything is so ephemeral. But still, it is better this way.

Here are some songs that give me a similar feeling: the bigness of life and existence. The smallness of today in the scheme of everything. Enjoy them today and every day.

I think this song is in a famous movie from the past thirty years. I don’t remember which one.
This song is so phenomenal and so beautiful. I think the title is genius too.
This song makes me want to be in love.

End of October 2022: Polishing

“The gem cannot be polished without friction nor man without trials.” ~ Confucius

“I polish up real nice” ~ Taylor Swift

This month has felt so slow and so comprehensive. Do you feel that way as well? October encompasses so much. The days have clipped themselves dramatically. Books refuse to be finished. My plants are reaching upward in a move of radicality. I turned 23. The world turned to reflect a slightly different angle.

I had a conversation with friends where I told them “I love love.” I think about that a lot lately. To feel feelings for feelings. To love love. Maybe we only feel feelings for feelings. Maybe that’s pessimistic. I think I am a pessimistic person. But at least its optimistic to love love. I do love love.

There are many ways to proceed in front of us as we head into November. The next month is full of trials and opportunities. The way forward is cold, but also sweet. Always space to be constantly polishing ourselves, then turning our rough sides over. Showing them to others and sighing. Not feeling embarrassed because who has time for that! A good showing. Putting our best selves in the running race. So to speak!

End of September 2022: Foreseeing

I am posting a day late because I did not foresee the end of September…

Wow, the month really flew by, but in a way, it did feel like the appropriate length. For me, September was a month of change and adjustment (and I am still changing and adjusting). It was a big time of growth and a time to stew and reflect on the end of the summer. In Los Angeles, the air is still so warm at night, even though the days grow shorter.

There was much that I wish I could have foreseen. Or, there were times I wish I had better foresight. I think I could have been more prepared in many situations, or acted differently. Or, I wish I knew how I would feel about things now as opposed to back then.

But I suppose that we are not given that gift and we are meant to live in the moment. There is no use in feeling that sense of regret. There is every reason in the world to let things go and to move on. The seasons move on! And so do the months.

End of August 2022: Trying

I feel that it a truth universally acknowledged that August is a month of longing. It’s a month of long days growing ever shorter. August usually means the end of summer. Here, in Los Angeles, it does not really feel that way. Nevertheless, the feeling remains.

It is a good time to start trying. And to start trying new things. Whether it is a job, school, new friendships, new relationships, or other changes, there is good reason to believe that we might find new things now that are worth investing in. I don’t know. Maybe I sound like a horoscope at this point.

I guess I mean to say that Fall and Winter can feel like times of uncertainty, fatigue, and finality. As we head into September, we should take advantage of the transitional season. Nothing is set in stone. Yet.

Keep at it! I try to remind myself every day to value my own efforts. So I guess there are many layers of Trying here. Trying to try can be good enough, can be more than enough.

End of July 2022: Summer Fantasy!

Something that I have not realized until this point in the summer is that delusion is not always *bad* or *unnecessary* or *irresponsible*. Ok, maybe I should come up with a different term for a positive spin on delusion. Maybe it’s the ~Fantasy~. Sometimes you deserve the fantasy that is in your head! Whether it is for a season, a week, a month, or a special event– sometimes it’s okay to just enjoy life as you are inclined to experience it!

Don’t doubt yourself!

End of June 2022: End-of-the-Day

Can you believe it’s the end of June?

Lately, I’ve been enjoying the little respite that the end of the day provides. Maybe it’s the few hours to oneself before sleeping or going back to work or getting together with friends. Maybe it’s something about the sun setting in its very pronounced, very dramatic way. Maybe it’s the fatigue and the feelings of accomplishment or excitement for tomorrow.

I love the automatic framework that months provide in order to understand the passage of time. But I also love the subdivision into days, even the hours and minutes. It can be overwhelming, but it can also be very comforting to have such a constant.

I just finished a zine called “Time Passes,” named after the middle section of To the Lighthouse, of course. I sent it to the printer and I can’t wait to share it. I love creation. I love the hours and days.

End of May 2022: Leaving

Cover image by Amelia Fay

Leaving is hard. It is so hard to close chapters of one’s life, whether they last for a long time or for short periods of time. I often need time to process the big changes of life. The more profound lessons and realizations may not come until much, much later. Years, even.

I hope you are finding closure as the various doors of your life may be closing. I hope new doors open and the fresh air comes in. I hope all is well.

I feel very grateful for so many people in my life and I think I am going to find more ways to act on that feeling. Sending letters, giving them a call, etc.

At the end of the day, maybe loss is not as drastic as it seems. Or maybe it is exactly what you need. Or perhaps it is one of those phenomena of life that evades all explanation but asks only for acceptance.