Tag Archives: cold

End of 2023: Bookshelf of Hours

Happy end of the year! I hope you found 2023 fruitful and fun. It was an interesting year that left me optimistic for 2024.

I think I had a good year! It flew by. It was kind of a year of putting my head down and working hard on the tasks in front of me. Nothing wrong with that, I suppose! All work and no play doesn’t make me a dull boy. But also: there was play! Some days, I felt so so lucky. Lots of great adventures and some very fun hours. Lots to be found in the small spaces of the weeks and days. Lots of unexpected laughs! And little life-affirming conversations and interactions. My interior life was fulfilling and lovely.

Do you have goals for 2024? I haven’t really thought about resolutions this year. I think they come to me over the course of January. Some years I need a fresh start more than others. Like many, I wonder if a new routine can heal me. Probably?! Like everything, that remains to be seen.

I am excited to write more in 2024. Rereading some of my old work has inspired me to reach back into that corner of my brain. 2023 left me feeling stuck in one style of poem. I wrote this while looking at the ocean:

I shelved a version
and took out another:
the book of _____ 
on the shelf of _____.

I am looking forward to 2024 and feel good about it! Staying optimistic at this juncture. (Maybe, for once, I am looking forward more than I am looking back and reflecting.) I hope you have a nice new year! May 2024 be filled with good luck for all of us!

End of January 2023: On the Interior

So it’s another year of end-of-month posts! I am choosing to break from my pattern of titling each monthly post with a gerund, so maybe these posts will make even less sense. There are no rules this year. Who knows what will happen!?

Right now I am thinking about the future and watching the squirrels run across the power line outside my north-facing window. Usually there are two of them, chasing each other up and down the big tree. Sometimes I stare out the window until they show up. I wonder if they can see me.

January was a long month for me. I am reading Virginia Woolf’s To the Lighthouse again. It’s one of my favorite books and feels especially appropriate this time of year. Maybe it’s something about the coldness of the prose or the way that time moves throughout the book. Woolf also knows exactly how to write about introspection and the interior lives of people. That really resonates with me. I think she is such a genius. Few books make me think as hard about the human condition as that one.

What else? Here is a list for you: I have been saying yes to doing things with friends. I have been watching a bunch of movies. I have been drinking a bunch of orange juice. I have been writing letters. I have been trying to observe the moon. I have been walking a lot. I have been sleeping strangely and logging my dreams. I have been drinking two cups of coffee a day. I have been stressed. I have been hopeful! I have been.

For the best of times
For the worst of times

End of October 2022: Polishing

“The gem cannot be polished without friction nor man without trials.” ~ Confucius

“I polish up real nice” ~ Taylor Swift

This month has felt so slow and so comprehensive. Do you feel that way as well? October encompasses so much. The days have clipped themselves dramatically. Books refuse to be finished. My plants are reaching upward in a move of radicality. I turned 23. The world turned to reflect a slightly different angle.

I had a conversation with friends where I told them “I love love.” I think about that a lot lately. To feel feelings for feelings. To love love. Maybe we only feel feelings for feelings. Maybe that’s pessimistic. I think I am a pessimistic person. But at least its optimistic to love love. I do love love.

There are many ways to proceed in front of us as we head into November. The next month is full of trials and opportunities. The way forward is cold, but also sweet. Always space to be constantly polishing ourselves, then turning our rough sides over. Showing them to others and sighing. Not feeling embarrassed because who has time for that! A good showing. Putting our best selves in the running race. So to speak!

End of January 2022: Biting

Happy 2022! We’re starting things off with a strange gerund. Biting is an act, but it is also a descriptor. The biting cold, for example. (I rediscovered, as I do almost every winter, that the cold does bite. In some instances though, it can be so lovely.) Biting is a harsh word, as new years often are. It’s also an active word, akin to seizing or opportunizing. It feels correct for this month: at once brutal and accurate.

I love using months as markers of the passage of time. They can feel so long, but so short. They can swallow you whole, or they can pass you by. I looked back at this month and realized I experienced such a wide range of emotions in a matter of a few weeks. Months are so captivating in that way. I was so sad and then so okay. Still sad, but still okay. I laughed a lot despite it all.

Some songs of various genres as we go into the next month: Direct Address by Lucy Dacus, Dead of Night by Orville Peck, Cool by Gwen Stefani, and the cover of Rainbow Connection by Hayley Williams (the best) and Weezer (the worst). May these songs inspire you. May the arbitrary designation of a month inspire you.

January

I am not vicious
I love to stare
when light hits the room across the street 
as if by an alien sun.
I like to think those people get the kind of sleep I crave 
as I move my pothos to the floor
or back to the sill. 
I hope for peace 
and finally heat 
but time hasn't yet come 
for me: thoughts fall like marbles 
and dry hands press air,
It is still only winter
and we wait in our corners,
I am a cold planet 
pruning and crying,
killing and dying.

End of January 2021: Bracing

I don’t know about about you, but the month felt long and full of endurance. I have been looking out for the small things. Now is when we brace ourselves.

I have been thinking so much about how important a feeling of “home” is. When that feeling gets destabilized, it’s easy to become insecure and anxious and lost. That label doesn’t have to be a physical place, nor is it even always the same thing. I’m no expert, but it must be different for everyone. And it must be destabilized at some point because those negative feelings are how we gauge what eventually feels right. Hm.

Also, recipes are so important. I like to think that I can trust my senses, but sometimes it is crucial to use a recipe. Take that as literally or as figuratively as you’d like.

Questions for the next month: How do you cope with longing? What brings you comfort? What feels sustainable for you? Do you feel ready to begin, again?