Tag Archives: Love

End of November 2023: Make It Stick!

Writing this while I’m feeling optimistic!

I hope you’ve been well lately. I hope you had a nice November. I am so busy lately. With what? I guess school. I’m not really sure. But! It’s exciting! Filling my time with little tasks and little things. Crocheting gifts and watching movies. I’ve been using Duolingo and Headspace almost every day. Will apps cure me? Remains to be seen . . .

When I get reflective (usually in an Uber, or something) I see my life as a web of choices and paths. I saw myself writing for a living. I saw myself painting for a living. It made me curious, and it made me fearful. But I consider myself so lucky. Lucky to feel (at least right now) that I like myself! That is often a battle. I’ll spend December setting some new goals and just enjoying the end of the year, I think.

If I know you, please send me book recommendations for this winter. If I don’t know you, please do that as well. If anyone wants to be pen pals in 2024, please tell me! I am facing December with an open attitude and an open mind. So much love for the world! For now. I hope—forever!

Direct Address

I take every thought of you to the very end
like a train, or a space shuttle, idle
and warming the dark side of a planet, a phone book
under my feet and a cold pulse against my sore arm, today
I understood how sadness can be called a "gulf";
how karaoke may be the closest I come to another me;
how to peer off the cliff of my mind; how to devour books on the floor; 
how Juliet and Romeo should have really talked it out;
how every person makes every other person disappear;
how the coldest stars in space glow red, red, red; how
post offices are either closed or too crowded; how I can handle everything
but I am good at nothing; how I love outer space and the seafloor
and never want to be scared of you; the ocean stirring itself forever;
I take every thought of you to the very end.

Survival

In a zombie movie you panic
and clamor for paper. Blood(?) 
seeps through the door but 
you need to write a friend 
and just can't put it off. 
You fumble with the address 
(the seven is a two) and may not live
to find a stamp, but 
why else be alive now? 
Why else put your pen to paper 
in search of some words 
that you know will not do? 
Still, you scribble
I remember feeling ill 
with love 
for everything 
and you
then stare at the page 
while sunrays die into you 
like rain, for sometimes it's dusk 
when the world looks most rosy
with ideas and justice 
and you notice at last how
your forearm is gone, 
lopped off for a mile 
while you were still
in your head 
with a warm memory.

[Note: I am finishing editing this poem and posting it quickly to avoid self-censoring too much. This one is a little bit wacky, but I love movie tropes; I love writing letters; I love sunlight, and I love memories that make me pause for a minute. I think romanticization and dystopia go well together. Life can feel like that sometimes!]

Reverb

Everyone returns. Lately 

I cannot stay awake enough,

the coffee eats itself to bits,

I missed the blood moon

and blamed the weather. Turns out

I missed the rain too. No, 

it's true. I cannot keep my mind

from clouding up with knots,

vitamins, pine needles, 

and futurisms. A tough word,

futurisms. I don't mind. 

Nothing makes me more sure of time

than the solemn close of the year

for this is just for now. The sound:

an open window in the living room,

water running, another person,

a plane overhead, and then,

The Planets, by Holst, everyone 

trying again for a feeling. Oh

how the day feels slow

waiting for you, waiting for cold air.

Yes, I missed the cold air.

End of October 2022: Polishing

“The gem cannot be polished without friction nor man without trials.” ~ Confucius

“I polish up real nice” ~ Taylor Swift

This month has felt so slow and so comprehensive. Do you feel that way as well? October encompasses so much. The days have clipped themselves dramatically. Books refuse to be finished. My plants are reaching upward in a move of radicality. I turned 23. The world turned to reflect a slightly different angle.

I had a conversation with friends where I told them “I love love.” I think about that a lot lately. To feel feelings for feelings. To love love. Maybe we only feel feelings for feelings. Maybe that’s pessimistic. I think I am a pessimistic person. But at least its optimistic to love love. I do love love.

There are many ways to proceed in front of us as we head into November. The next month is full of trials and opportunities. The way forward is cold, but also sweet. Always space to be constantly polishing ourselves, then turning our rough sides over. Showing them to others and sighing. Not feeling embarrassed because who has time for that! A good showing. Putting our best selves in the running race. So to speak!

End of September 2022: Foreseeing

I am posting a day late because I did not foresee the end of September…

Wow, the month really flew by, but in a way, it did feel like the appropriate length. For me, September was a month of change and adjustment (and I am still changing and adjusting). It was a big time of growth and a time to stew and reflect on the end of the summer. In Los Angeles, the air is still so warm at night, even though the days grow shorter.

There was much that I wish I could have foreseen. Or, there were times I wish I had better foresight. I think I could have been more prepared in many situations, or acted differently. Or, I wish I knew how I would feel about things now as opposed to back then.

But I suppose that we are not given that gift and we are meant to live in the moment. There is no use in feeling that sense of regret. There is every reason in the world to let things go and to move on. The seasons move on! And so do the months.