Tag Archives: Squirrels

End of January 2023: On the Interior

So it’s another year of end-of-month posts! I am choosing to break from my pattern of titling each monthly post with a gerund, so maybe these posts will make even less sense. There are no rules this year. Who knows what will happen!?

Right now I am thinking about the future and watching the squirrels run across the power line outside my north-facing window. Usually there are two of them, chasing each other up and down the big tree. Sometimes I stare out the window until they show up. I wonder if they can see me.

January was a long month for me. I am reading Virginia Woolf’s To the Lighthouse again. It’s one of my favorite books and feels especially appropriate this time of year. Maybe it’s something about the coldness of the prose or the way that time moves throughout the book. Woolf also knows exactly how to write about introspection and the interior lives of people. That really resonates with me. I think she is such a genius. Few books make me think as hard about the human condition as that one.

What else? Here is a list for you: I have been saying yes to doing things with friends. I have been watching a bunch of movies. I have been drinking a bunch of orange juice. I have been writing letters. I have been trying to observe the moon. I have been walking a lot. I have been sleeping strangely and logging my dreams. I have been drinking two cups of coffee a day. I have been stressed. I have been hopeful! I have been.

For the best of times
For the worst of times

Things to Love

Dear world. To save myself from finals-related spiraling and from listening to way too much Lana Del Rey, here is a blog post slash poem slash meditation slash prayer.

Lately, my days are not very dynamic. I am severely vitamin D deficient and I feel like my body is hibernating while my mind works too much. So I have been compiling a list of things that are life-affirming to me. I am inspired by a poem called “Love” written by Alex Dimitrov, who is one of my favorite poets (and also my former professor). Every line of his poem starts with “I love” and it continues indefinitely on Twitter, one line a day. Anyways, as an exercise in gratitude and poetry, here are some things that I love. They make me feel more real. Here is the (non-exhaustive) list now while I am feeling earnest. Thank you for reading and I hope all is well with you!

THINGS TO LOVE:

* A good night of sleep
* Orange juice
* Friendships that last years
* Sunlight and how it streams in through the window unapologetically 
* Laughter that hurts the ribs
* The color red
* Hearing people talk about what they love
* Preparedness, until it doesn't make sense
* Sweaters and my favorite jeans
* Doing nothing because I can't help but think about everything
* Being alive because it is so hard sometimes
* My pothos plant 
* Music that people put their entire souls into
* Seasons and what they represent to people
* Calendars
* Cinnamon rolls 
* Aestheticism, beauty, things that exist for no practical purpose
* The solemnity of mornings 
* The solitude of nights
* The squirrels that run across the power lines outside my window and chase each other 
* Impractical clothing
* Birthdays (not mine)
* Dusk
* Writing letters to friends, of course
* This poem by Eileen Myles, called "At a Waterfall, Reykjavik":

	I still feel like
	the world
	is a piece of bread
	
	I'm holding 
	out half
	to you.
	
* Brutality (only in theory)
* Bone broth 
* The feeling that I am becoming my own person 
* Movies with stunning combinations of sound and color 
* Looking forward to other things
* Dvorak's New World Symphony
* Flowers as gifts
* Clarity 
* And bravery (may we all have it!)