Category Archives: Blog

Daylight Spending

Rebecca says there are an abnormally high number of heart attacks on the day in which we lose an hour to the night. Or maybe it’s more of a sacrifice; we are people of the sun no matter how hard we try to delude ourselves. By that I mean that I am thinking of that book “City of Ember.” I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I’m running on little sleep.

There is something kind of crazy in the fact that we all say “Ok, nature, ok Earth’s axis, you win. We will collectively change our clocks to suit you.” Because I think we like to be so dominant. We don’t like to lose. I mean, no one likes losing, but what an effort we make.

I can’t complain about the extra hour of daylight, though. It is both wonderful and miserable that I can be so changed by just a little more time in the sun. Even when it’s cold. If it’s bright outside, I’m willing to forgive.

I hope you spend your hour wisely. Or don’t. There is so much pressure to be productive, but there isn’t. Anyways, we will change our minds again on November 7th when daylight savings ends.

End of February 2021: Holding

In me the caresser of life wherever moving....
     backward as well as forward slueing,
To niches aside and junior bending.

Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself"

This month was challenging for many reasons, but first…

Do you feel different now? Or maybe you just feel more tuned into yourself? Perhaps it’s not about the months, but the days, hours, minutes. Each building on the last. Last night was the full moon.

…I think this month was about the small things. I have been reminding myself to pay attention to the small things when I feel like I have no big things to show for my efforts. Sometimes the small things will add up over time. But even if they don’t, you can still hold them in your hands. They are small.

Some small things: A walk, a meal, a wave at someone, a comment heard while eavesdropping, a letter written, an email sent, a photo taken, an instance of pen to paper, a call from someone, a call to someone, a scent, a color, the sun’s rays, a piece of candy, a bird outside.

I resist anything better than my own diversity,
And breathe the air and leave plenty after me,
And am not stuck up, and am in my place.

Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself"

End of January 2021: Bracing

I don’t know about about you, but the month felt long and full of endurance. I have been looking out for the small things. Now is when we brace ourselves.

I have been thinking so much about how important a feeling of “home” is. When that feeling gets destabilized, it’s easy to become insecure and anxious and lost. That label doesn’t have to be a physical place, nor is it even always the same thing. I’m no expert, but it must be different for everyone. And it must be destabilized at some point because those negative feelings are how we gauge what eventually feels right. Hm.

Also, recipes are so important. I like to think that I can trust my senses, but sometimes it is crucial to use a recipe. Take that as literally or as figuratively as you’d like.

Questions for the next month: How do you cope with longing? What brings you comfort? What feels sustainable for you? Do you feel ready to begin, again?

start-of-the-year

“I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)”

-Sylvia Plath, “Mad Girl’s Love Song”

I definitely feel some kind of relief, but I’m trying not to put too much pressure on 2021. Years are just numbers anyways. Who even says time has any authority? (Or is even real?) All I know is that something has shifted. It might not be what we think, but I’m glad for it.

So… what’s next? I think the past summer has trained me to go with the flow, which is a good thing overall. It was really great to not feel like I had to be or do anything in particular. But at the same time, I learned to expect less and feel less. I kinda miss manifesting and feeling those steep ups and downs. Though this past summer was not lacking in steep downs.

How are you? I’ve been eating a lot of sweets and I definitely feel the repercussions. I guess that’s what getting older is… which is more repercussions. More of your body reacting to things.

I’m excited to move to the city and relearn how to be myself. I miss being alone. It’s weird how cities make you feel more alone. And that feeling is so great sometimes.

things i’ve eaten recently

no one asked for this 😀

  1. pizza crust from Costco pepperoni pizza but only the crust
  2. chocolate sediment at the bottom of hot chocolate
  3. one and a half Beyond Sausages
  4. couscous (pearl variety)
  5. assorted 반찬 aka banchan
  6. Clear Mind kombucha
  7. white rice
  8. Planet Oat Original
  9. small butter cookies from Anne
  10. a snickerdoodle that I made but the family discarded the batch because I’ll admit it… they tasted bad.
  11. fried egg x 3
  12. my feelings ❤
  13. so many clementine oranges
  14. what I thought was a delicious rice cake but it wasn’t
  15. eggplant
  16. mushroom pasta
  17. various takeout that is always delicious
  18. marshmallow(s)
  19. the beautiful clean yummy pacific northwest air
  20. unripe mango

manifesto: hello, it’s the end of the month

Hi everyone, thanks so much for being here. I’m starting this website and blog out of boredom and a feeling like my life is catapulting somewhere. I don’t think it’ll be returning back to where it is right now ever again. Ok, sorry, enough of that!

My goal for this site is for it to become a calming presence on the internet. Part of it is definitely driven by egotistic desire to put all my work and art online. Idk about you, but I love looking at myself in Zoom calls. But also, I hope these pages are inspiring or at least interesting and fun. Hopefully they break the monotony of the day.

I picked “End of the Month” for the theme of the website because I always find the last couple days of every month to be times of reflection. And the website domain was available lol. But there is something about the air on those days, right? I don’t know about you, but it always feels like doors are closing and windows are opening. And they’re relaxing in a way. Ok.

If you have any thoughts, comments, reactions… I’d love to hear them. Please be nice to me 🙂 I’m scared of the internet 🙂